Thursday, August 25, 2005

Let Go

Youngblood : Busted

JA
Inquirer News Service

I WAS busted. It was the first time (and perhaps the last) I risked expressing my feelings, and I was sent painfully crashing back to reality by the experience. It is not that he didn't have a good reason not to return my feelings for him. I do understand his point: hearing someone say that she loves you, especially if she is someone you don't know at all, can definitely freak you out.

I don't want to call myself pathetic, but I managed to sustain my feelings for him for seven years, ever since the time I met him. We're not really strangers to each other. At least, we had seen each other and we knew each other's name. It just happened that I knew a great deal more about him than he did about me.

Friends say that I was hasty in saying what I felt for him was love. After all, it was his intelligence that first drew me to him. Secondly, he had the ambition--no, drive--to succeed. Of course, there was the small factor that he offered security. And all in all, he had practically everything I was looking for in a mate. So, in my friends' estimation, it wasn't love at all. I simply didn't give the politically correct answer.

They say that if someone asks you why you love a person, you're not supposed to mention his positive qualities--not his looks, his status, what he has to offer and, least of all, the capability of his mind for higher level thinking. You love him simply because you love him. You love him because it's him.

I don't know how to explain to them that when you love, you don't love the entirety of the person all at once. You start loving the things that made you like him in the first place--and they may be as petty and shallow as his face, his car or his mind. Then, you start building on that and you begin to love his other "attributes"--until you finally learn to love the "whole" of him. You can't love someone without starting from loving something little and, yes, petty about him.

To say "I love him simply because I love him; it's him" would be the final answer. But there are initial answers before you reach this point.

I started loving him because of his intelligence, because of his drive, because of the way he was able to reach for his dreams--and yes, I loved him because it's him.

But he couldn't return my love, because he didn't know me "that much." Oookay.

My well-meaning friends have advised me time and again to forget him. But perhaps it's true what they say about the wisest of men being the most foolish in love. He was more or less a part of me for seven long years and it's not easy to remove something from your system in the wink of an eye.

Now I tell myself that I'll never risk my heart like that again. I cannot stand a second heartbreak. Actually, making the first move and being honest like that wasn't even my kind of thing. I did it because I didn't want to wake up one day to realize I was dying without telling him about it. All right, so perhaps I should have thought about it a million times more, and probably pondered the best way and the perfect time to say it. Sometimes I ask myself how things would have turned out had I waited a little more and probably given him more time to know me, and possibly, like me.

Now, we've stopped being comfortable buddies. We used to e-mail each other and share stories. I know he's busy now, but I can't help but think that he's just using it as an excuse to cover up an awkward situation.

I don't regret anything. What would I get crying over spilled milk? That's how I try to view things now. As one friend said, at least I told him. The greatest regret comes when you are not able to tell him.

I didn't lose anything--well, probably a bit of my pride. But it's something I can get back. I'm the same old person, just a little wiser now from the experience.

I have already gotten over the fact that I was busted and rejected. I have yet to get over him. Like I said, he's "Mr. Ideal Guy." But most of the time, you don't get the ideal or the perfect, you go for the right thing or person.

I have yet to meet the man who could inspire and move me the way he moved and inspired me. Or perhaps, I just don't notice him because all my attentions are focused on someone else. This is what my friends have been telling me.

I'm not closing my heart to other possibilities. I'm just afraid that I wouldn't be fair to the next guy who comes along because he just might end up as "Mr. Second Best." It's a long, uphill climb to closure.

I have to be honest and say that yes, there is still some small seed of hope in my heart that eventually he will learn to love me. But I'm not going to waste the rest of my life banking on that. I know when to quit and give up.

It will come. It will come. Yes, I'm probably a sucker for pain and self-inflicted torture. I still enjoy the bittersweet feeling the whole experience of loving him gives me. Yes, it's love, despite what they say. If he would only give me a chance, I'd like to show him how much he means to me. But when the time comes that I need to let his memory go, I will find a way.

That's how life goes.

JA, 22, teaches in a state university.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Life After MTV

At home with Donita Rose

Jocelyn Valle
Inquirer News Service

(PINAY ex-veejay and actress Donita Rose's Modess commercials are currently airing in Thailand and China. She recently shot a new Dimetapp commercial here in Manila with her son JP. MTV also recently gave her a tribute and invited her to do special episodes of Pop Inc -- to be aired all over Asia. She started taping on Monday, Aug. 1. Inquirer Entertainment visited her in Singapore, where she is based.)

"OH, it's just breaded chicken, nothing special," says Donita Rose as she ushers us into the kitchen of the condo unit in Singapore that she shares with husband Eric Villarama and their firstborn.

Joshua Paul turned one last month.

"I just went for something simple," she explains, carefully setting a piece of the chicken on a bed of mashed potatoes. But the way Donita sets the table makes a simple meal like a fine-dining experience. She even dons a blue-and-beige apron with matching toque.

Donita, whose effervescent personality has made her one of MTV's best-known VJs and the cutest Time magazine cover girl ever, is also the perfect host.

"When I'm here, I'm not really working so I devote my time to my family," she shares. "I spend most of my time at home with JP. I start preparing at about 4 o'clock for dinner—you know, groceries. I can't stock up too much in the fridge. It's too small. I also fix the house."

The Philippines is Donita's career hub. She regularly flies in for acting and hosting gigs.

"The longest I've been away is three-and-a-half weeks. I want [my husband] to miss me more. Sometimes he says, 'Sweetheart, I miss your cooking.' I like hearing that, so I always do my best," she says.

"You want some music?" Eric chimes in from the study room where husband and wife have separate working spaces.

"I can cook anything," Donita declares. "I used to invite my friends like Ruffa (Gutierrez), Sharmaine (Arnaiz) and Alma (Concepcion) to my house in Manila. On my sixth month [of pregnancy] I stopped working. That's when I started experimenting in the kitchen.

"Lately, though, I've been cooking mainly South Beach stuff. I did South Beach diet for 10 straight days and after that cheat-cheat na ako. After I gave birth, I was almost 80 kg. Now, I'm like 58, 59 kg. My original weight was 54 kg."

The doting wife and mom loves to share stories about her family, too. She relates that JP likes to dance, and loves attention. He has her fingers, toes, ears, forehead, nose and lips, says Donita. "Everything else, like the hair, eyes, eyebrows and lean body type, he got from Eric."

Donita and Eric are committed Born-Again Christians. While they were still dating, they recounted, they put off kissing until they tied the knot on June 9, 2003 in California. Now they attend Bible study Wednesday evenings, and Tuesday is their date night.

Eric works full-time for Thumbs Up, a non-profit organization that helps the youth to discover themselves and reach for their goals. He is in the process of putting up his own graphics design company.

Donita is the spokesperson for Thumbs Up.

"I don't like clutter," she confesses as she gives a tour of the spotless condo unit. "Almost everything here is from Ikea. We're the second tenants here. We repainted the walls and changed the lighting."

Donita's favorite things in the house are her comforter, the couch and the beanbags where she and Eric station themselves when they play X-Box. "To illustrate how clean we are—before we go on the couch or play X Box or anything, we take a shower first. This is our sanctuary," she says.

"Clean" is the operative word when describing Villaramas' residence. Even in the storage room, things are neatly kept and labeled in boxes. True to her minimalist approach to style these days, Donita's wardrobe is a medium-sized closet with three partitions, which she even shares with Eric!

Her shoes—all sneakers—are in a low cabinet near the front door. All her pumps and flats are in her pad in Manila.

"I'm sick and tired of bringing my suitcase back and forth, so I just leave all my nice clothes [in Manila]," she says.

Now 30 but still youthful, the Fil-Am actress-host admits that she wants to be perceived as a little more serious these days, so she's trying to look a little more sophisticated. "When I look at my stuff before, I take a step back. When punk was the rage, I was punk from head to toe. Now, maybe the eyeliner and the belt na lang."

Shopping? She's no longer brand-conscious. "When I walk into Prada, I think of my child's college education. All the stuff that I acquired during my MTV days are still usable, so I don't feel like I need so much. I don't have a problem with carrying around a two-year-old Gucci bag."

She loves to shop in Hong Kong during the sale season. In the States, she checks out the shops at Melrose Place. "Not Rodeo Drive," she says, "though I did use to shop there."

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Digital Files

Managing Your Info
By Alexander M. Osias
Newsbreak Contributing Writer




WHERE people once ranted about not being able to get a landline, even jeepney drivers today own at least one cell phone. Where people once carried bulky paper planners and organizers or hired secretaries, we now have handheld devices that can store telephone numbers and e-mail addresses, take pictures, record events on internal calendars, and keep track of lists of tasks to perform during the day. Where people once worried about how costly long-distance communication once was, now there are free online e-mail accounts, and Internet phones.

So why do we periodically find ourselves frustrated at being unable to find, access, or transfer our electronic information?

It's usually because our strategies for managing our electronic information are either haphazardly shaped by the latest technology fads or are non-existent. Assuming that you've decided "Today is the day I begin organizing my information," where do you start?

Core Strategy

Start by defining your most important goals, and shaping your initial information management strategies around them. In shaping your strategies, consider the following questions:

1. Where does my information come from, and in what form(s) do I get my information?

2. In what form(s) should I store this information?

3. When and how quickly do I plan to access this information in the future?

4. Find the latest, cost-effective, standards-based tool(s) to store and access this information.

5. Revise your strategy accordingly.

Example 1: A single, updated contact list

1. My information comes from a variety of places—cell phone numbers texted to me, business cards sent via SMS, printed business cards, numbers scribbled on napkins, e-mail addresses. In most cases, I record them on my cell phone somehow. In the case of e-mails, I tend to find the last e-mail sent by an individual and send a reply.

2. I quickly decide to store this information on my home computer for a variety of reasons: it's at home and can't be accidentally lost in a taxi, it's less exposed to the elements, and it has a larger capacity to store information than my cell phone.

3. However, I do want to be able to synchronize the information with my cell phone. I plan on being able to copy (rather than encode manually) the numbers and information on my cell phone.

4. I go out and review the various cell phones and find that a lot of them now synchronize or upload their information to PCs. Often software and a wireless or physical (cable) link are required. I also have an e-mail application that has a contact list as part of its features.

5. I decide that my strategy is to use my cell phone as my satellite contact list storage. If I'm out of the house, I'll store any contact information that I need on it. When I get back to the house, I synchronize the information with my PC's database. If I can't find a way to export that information to my e-mail application's contact list, then I'll copy them one by one. Not the best solution, but good enough for my goal.

Example 2: An easy, idiot-proof filing system for my home and office PC files

1. My information comes from e-mail attachments (work and home), from files burned to CD, from floppy disks, from USB drives, and sometimes from files that I've created for personal or business use.

2. I have too many files to store anywhere other than my PCs, although I do occasionally archive files and burn them to CD when I need to clear up space. They normally remain in the same file formats they came to me in.

3. I sometimes find I need to bring work home. I need to be able to carry files back and forth. I also need to be able to find any file I need, instead of checking a variety of places until I finally have to use a file search tool (which may not work). I need to quickly ascertain that a given file is or is not in my PC.

4. I check out the features of Windows XP for file storage and synchronization. I check out the latest USB drives and CD burning drives and software. I ask my office mates and friends how they shuttle work back and forth. I hear about something called "Google Desktop" and research it.

5. I decide to get a 256 MB USB drive. I also decide to adopt three main folders for my files: Personal, Professional, and Dump. "Personal" stores all-important personal files, "Professional" stores all important work-related files, and "Dump" contains all the funny e-mail attachments, pictures, and otherwise trivial files. If I need to quickly back-up my personal files, I just copy the Personal folder to a USB drive. If I quickly need to clear up drive space, I drag the contents of the Dump file into the Trash.

I also decide to create several sub-folders in my Professional folder with the following naming convention: - . This will also hopefully make it easier for me to find the right folder to copy into the USB drive whenever I need to.

Then I download "Google Desktop" for my office computer. It's a utility that apparently can perform full text searches on every single file in your computer.

Information Management Gear

Some information management devices could help you formulate your own strategies:

• Cell phones - currently available models tend to have crude to exceptional applications on them, such as to-do lists and event calendars. Others can even take photo stills, record audio fragments, and even take short videos.

• PDAs - I prefer PDAs separate from a cell phone for several reasons: being able to take notes while on the phone; more options for storage and file transfers; constantly improving information synchronization tools.

• USB drives - you can now store up to a gigabyte of information on these drives (if you can afford those models) and they're treated like another drive on your PC. Fortunately, they're just plug-and-play and are very portable.

• Laptops - for obvious portability and power.